A piece of mind

I’m going to attend a funeral wake tonight. It’s quite a rush as we’re also going to my parents’ place for the weekly dinner.

L sms-ed me during the weekend that HT’s grandpa passed away and L would be visiting on Tuesday which coincided with the dinner.

I only hear about HT through L. She’s preggy with No. 2. She’s giving birth. She has given birth. She changed job.

I was quite happy when HT sms-ed me personally when she gave birth. I brought some gifts to her place during the confinement period and had not heard from her since then until now.

My point is I am so distant from this JC friend, that I wonder why I would purposely make a trip to attend the wake when she is not even involved in my life. Somemore my family of 3 is going to be mobilized. ZM asked, ‘You very close to her meh? Just give pek kim can liao.’

Perhaps showing up is more for my peace of mind and conscience than anything.

Mummy's first note to Eunice

Dear Eunice,

Mummy is not sure if you will get to read this, but I'll just pen it down anyway.

I am sorry I snapped and shouted at you again last night and made you cry yourself to sleep, whining "I want Mummy!", "Mummy is angry Eunice". Mummy and Daddy didn't get to rest the moment we stepped into the home at 7pm. Steamed codfish just for you, fed you dinner Por Por cooked, we took turns to eat. All this while you were enjoying Playhouse Disney.

We had to remove your soiled clothings and packed in fresh ones for the next day. Your bottles had to be soaked and rinsed with hot water. Then Mummy had to shower you while Daddy had his. After Daddy showered, he threw the rubbish and made your night milk. Then it was my turn to shower.

You get the drift? The hurriedness in us to settle you, ourselves and the chores just to get you to sleep by 10.30pm? 10.30pm is already a bonus to me.

When I came into your dimly lit room at about 9.30pm, you were still active, standing and jumping on your bed. You attempted to put on socks yourselves. While Mummy was helping you with the socks, you drank the milk. We thought that with one person patting you to sleep, you would be able to wind down sooner. Plus you only want Mummy to pat you. So Mummy started her winding-Eunice-down exercise at about 9.45pm.

You wanted the 3 teddy bears. You had it. Travel pillow - Mummy passed to you. Cover blanket. Mummy blanketed you the way you liked it. Water, Mummy dutifully got it for you. Pat, yes I did that too. Strawberry shortcake pillow that Gong Gong bought for you, ok here you go.....You wanted to speak to Gong Gong and Ma Ma, I dialled the number for you.....

Any request you wanted that I thought would make you more comfortable for a good night's rest I acceded. Each request that I gave in to, I thought that would be one last step to you dozing off. I was very wrong. You would eventually fall asleep, but each demand was not one last step, just one step closer to slumberland.

11 o'clock and you demanded 'the oil' because you claimed to have a tummyache. Mummy's volcano erupted.

The primary reason why Mummy wants you to sleep early is because I want you to arrive in school bright and ready to learn new things. I don't want you to be a sleepyhead and just lie down on the cot until 8.30pm while your friends are already playing, reading books or having breakfast. By not having enough sleep, you would also go through the rest of the morning being cranky and thus not able to actively engage in the activities. Then you would take a long afternoon nap...and the cycle goes on.....

Secondly, Daddy and Mummy need rest after a long day at work, rushing to pick you and settling the chores. We take 1.5hr to put you to bed. By that time we are so exhausted that all we want to do is join you in slumberland. Daddy and Mummy desire some couple time. We don't have that many days of annual leave to take just to have couple time. We are seriously lacking in communication during the day and after you sleep is the time I hope we can catch up on. Don't even suggest weekends. Weekends are not just ours. We have to share weekends with others.

Mummy is tired of bedtime struggles. Storming out of the room last night was my way of preventing my frustration and anger from scarring you emotionally or physically.

I am glad we have this coming long weekend to work on your bedtime.

Mummy still loves you

First Bible for Eunice

Eunice will badger us to "read Bible book" before bedtime. She's more interested to read God's word than us. Shame on me! Talking about setting good examples. Hmph.......

I'm actually quite heartened that she loves reading stories about God and Jesus. She listens very attentively and can go on and on to the (nth) story if we do not stop her. So I would negotiate with her 'one story only ok, and then bedtime'.

We've read Adam and Eve to her numerous times so much so that when she saw the serpent on the tree next to Eve, she would go, 'Why don't you take a bite?'.

I'm more interested to get her to quiet down and sleep asap so that I have time to do other things like read newspapers or have some couple time with ZM. (Haha, depends on how you interpret 'couple time'.)

She knows about God and Jesus now, but it's difficult to explain where or who they are. Explaining about Jesus may be easier as there are so many pictures of him. There was a Sunday when ZM was upstairs in the worship hall doing AV stuff.

Eunice: Mummy, where's Daddy?
Me: Upstairs, helping God.
Eunice: Daddy help kor-kor (big brother) God?
Me: ...............

Some happenings in July 2009

Visit to Zoo

Going to the zoo is a great way to spend a Saturday. Eunice got to see her favourite animals in the flesh. So far for the 2-3 times we had been there, she missed the Asian elephants. By the time we reached that stop, she was already napping!

But she witnessed the feed session for lions where the keeper threw whole chickens to the beasts. Back at home, she said she was a lion too and asked us to throw her bean husk pillows and she would retrieve them with her mouth.

The Giant Tortoise

Komodo Dragon

Crocodile eggs in the hatching

Fun at KidsWorld

Eunice fell and suffered some abrasion wounds at the kids' wet playground. She wouldn't let her Daddy forget about it. Almost everytime someone asked her how she hurt herself, she would go "Daddy never take care Eunice".

Pizza Party
ZX managed to a $50 Pizza H U T voucher from a vendor after collecting 300 GIBCO bottle labels. So we decided to pig out on a Friday after work. The 3 girls were very accomodating to come with me to fetch Eunice and then head to Bishan J8 even though they were staying at Bukit Panjang, Tampines and Clementi! They even brought 'bribes' for Eunice. A pack each of cheezels, chocolate pokey and gummi bears as trump cards to showhand when Eunice got restless. Managed to keep her at our table for most of the time.

Our significant halves joined us later. That was after we had stuffed ourselves with mushroom soup, garlic bread, 2 pizzas, 1 lasagne and platter of appetizers. We enjoyed the company so much that we wanted to adjourn next door for a Firehouse birthday ice cream. HS' birthday was one week away. Was disappointed when told the waiting time would be 30-45 minutes.

Zhengda and Zhenxuan

Huishan and KK

Yida (aka Uncle Soldier) and Yanting

Unflattering pic of me taken by Eunice

The boys came and they polished the plates

Ghim Moh market on a Sat morning

Eunice's new Dora Umbrella

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My chor lor daughter

I'm quite disappointed with the SE C905 cam phone. Without flash, the pictures turned out grainy. But it is very convenient to just whip out the cam phone to snapshot a precious moment.

Make your Stick Figure Family at FreeFlashToys.com

Imperfect Parent

In Eunice's eyes, I am probably a mean mummy, a party blooper. No chocolates, no nuts, dinner first, Yakult later, bedtime time, stop talking, no TV, just fifteen minutes, keep your toys, drink more water, finish your milk.....the list can go on.....

But Daddy is most fun to be with. He plays bubbles with me during bathtime but Mummy just has to blow the whistle. "Aw man!" Daddy does not force food into my mouth. Instead while feeding me, he watches TV with me too. He enjoys watching 'Mickey Mouse Clubhouse' with me so much that the mountain of rice+codfish+button mushrooms is not reduced to a molehill. Very conveniently just tell Mummy I don't want to eat anymore. He will even do the 'Hotdog Dance' with me.

I am the tyrant. Eunice has grown much more attached to her Daddy nowadays. She rejects Mummy. But she only wants Mummy before bedtime to pat and scratch her.

Yesterday night, she insisted on carrying her own backpack from carpark. Daddy just let her be. While she held on to the strap, I was carrying the load. I thought to myself then, 'This is what parenting is all about. While the children think they are independent, it is actually the parents who have been helping them in the background.'

At the void deck, I tried to take the bag and explained to her it's heavy. She started to kick a fuss and whined on the spot. I was so angry that I just threw the bag on the floor. The girl started crying her eyes out. I took the bag and walked into the lift. Think the entire block could hear her wails.

She was still bawling and vomited on the foyer as well as onto my Birkies. Then she came to me. Gave her some water and a hug to assure her I still love her. But at that point, I was not sorry for treating her that way. This girl needs to know her limits. She has been pushing the boundary.

Daddy took some kitchen towels to clean up the mess and she said, "Daddy, Eunice help clean". He took my Birkies to toilet to wash. While asking her to wash her hands, she just took one Birki to the sink and rinsed it with water. She did the same with the other side. ZM kept asking me to take a look. He was moved by her gesture and that certainly earned her sympathy points. His eyes were welling with tears. I asked her, "Eunice, are you helping Mummy wash her shoes?" to which she replied, "Yup!".

That softened my attitude to her episode of T2s.

While patting her to sleep, I asked, "Is Eunice sad or angry with Mummy?". "Mummy throw Eunice bag...".

When you scold/hit your child even for a valid reason, the repercussions tug at your heartstrings multifold.

Father's Day 21 June 2009

I will remember this Father's Day that I spent with Dad.

He went missing in the morning.

I was so afraid I would find him lying motionless in a pool of blood at the bottom of a block of flats.

God decided that his time was not up yet.

I managed to find him again.

Imagine the immense relief I had when I saw him.

He was crying.

To find Daddy again was the best Father's Day gift for me.

My DUH hubs

Yesterday evening Hubs and I went to pick up Eunice together. As we wanted to have dinner at a nearby kopitiam, I asked Hubs to put on diaper for the little girl. I thought I saw her wearing panties but Hubs said no, so I just left it at that and off to dinner we went.

Fast forward to Eunice's bathtime, I undressed her. To my horror........................ ZM wore the pants over diaper over panties!!!!!! Needless to say, the panties were heavily soaked with urine.

Why are men so DUH?? I didn't know whether to scream or laugh at his silliness. While I was cleaning bathtub, I kept laughing to myself uncontrollably because it was really -_-

I need to set very simple step-by-step protocols in future. For example:
1. Pull down the pants and take them off the legs.
2. Pull down panties and take them off the legs.
3. Put on the diaper (Mamy Poko X-Large Pullup Pants for girls Cat No. XXXX).
4. Pull same pair of pants (from Step 1) up legs.
5. Fold panties from step 2. (Fold the bottom of 'triangle' up first, then fold left side over right side.)
6. Unzip Eunice's Red LadyBug Bag and place panties inside.

Woof woof

I feel like a female dog today. *Grr grr*

First, Eunice came home with a drawing of an elephant on her hand. So in the comms book, I penned to the teachers, ' Please do not draw on Eunice's hands or feets, but encourage her to draw/write on paper'.

If you know me, I am not one who is vocal but quite easy-going.

Last night, I received an SMS from the childcare centre that one older infant and one pre-nursery child had been infected with HFMD.

This morning, I saw the mum sending the older brother of the infant to the centre. I SMS-ed the supervisor. Shouldn't the older brother be kept at home? Her reply was, "According to MOH, the centre cannot tell parents not to bring the child to the centre." WHAT?!?!?

I called up MOH hotline. A polite female voice picked up and the same phrase was repeated to me. OK....as the centre comes under the purview of MCYS, she suggested I call up MCYS hotline instead.

This time round, a sleepy, can't-be-bothered female voice was on the other end. No PR at all. 'So you are saying that the child should be prevented from attending the centre'. Some people are just not suitable to sit at the hotline, they only stoke the flames of anger. The more I spoke to her the more hot I was. 'I will refer you to an officer. I can't advise you.'

She asked for my name, contact number, centre name...

Ms Go-by-the-book (GBTB): Is B*b*es Resort one word or two?

Me: Two separate words.

Ms GBTB: How do you spell b*b*es resort?

Me: B.A.B.I.E.Sssss R.E.S.O.R.T (by now I was seething with annoyance, I hissed the 'S'.)

Ms GBTB: It's located at Ang Mo Kio Ave 1? You spoke to the supervisor? What was her name?

Me: Mala.

Ms GBTB: Spelled as M-A-L-A?

Me: Yesssss.

Ms GBTB: You spoke to Mala?

Me: No, exchanges were done via SMSes.

Ms GBTB: Er...OK, can you give me the contents of SMSes.

Did you watch 'Just Follow Law'? I can picture her as the clerk who told Fann Wong when she requested for the AC to be turned on after working hours. 'Please write in. It will take threeee working days. And cc my boss, the director, yada yada in the email.'

I didn't pursue the issue with MCYS as I didn't want to have a case logged officially and cause unnecessary problems for the centre. I merely wanted to have my enquiries addressed.

I can check the policies and what-nots on the relevant websites. I hate it when people just shove these 'laws' into my face, 'Nah the gahmen says it's like that', and then don't do anything to improve the situation.

At the end of the day, I am glad the centre directors gave me a reasonable reply. For infants, they can isolate the child. But for an active toddler, it's difficult because he will want to join his friends. Also a caregiver has to be dedicated to looking after this child. I guess the centre operators are sandwiched too. Mala spoke to the mum and she hadactually already arranged for the infected younger boy to be taken care of by the grandma. Well, I am placated for now.

I updated ZM. I felt like a female woof woof talking to this saint. Seemed like I was the only parent who had this issue, eh? Was I picking bones?

The centre has fulfilled its responsibility by updating parents of status. So the law states the centre cannnot stop the child from attending. If the parents of the infected child are not considerate, does that mean that the rest of the parents are also to be blamed should there be an outbreak because we chose to send our children to the centre knowing that there are ongoing sporadic infections?

Unfortunately this seems to be the case. This is the super major downside of sending your child to daycare.

The days after

It feels empty again the next day, the next week, the next month after the wedding day.

Knowing Eunice was sick, Grandma very nicely cooked dinner for us. She and Dad brought the dinner to us at 3-ish. They had to rush off again as my cousin, Ryan, was also down with fever. Grandma had to go back and pack her clothes and then go back with Ryan to his Punggol home.

For both of them in their 70s, it was no mean feat rushing here and there. I really appreciate the effort to cook for us. My dad was just contented to see his beloved granddaughter napping soundly in the living room, fever no more. They left in less than 10 min!

I opened the door for them and lingered a while to watch them wait and walk into the lift. Daddy cuts a sad and lonely figure.

Now that Stanley has officially moved to his new place, there's only Dad and Mum at home. Dad is at home alone during the day. In the evenings, he would be subjected to my mum's verbal abuses. My mum is another story for another time.

His only joy is perhaps to see his 'Cute Girl'.

I wish I could do something more for Dad.

***

The other person is MIL. SIL (ZM's sis) married and is now staying at TPY with inlaws. Naturally, MIL would miss having someone to chat with at the end of the day. BIL (ZM's bro) drives the night shift and she's alone at home at nights with the TV as her companion. One 'parasitic' aunt stays with her but they don't talk.

***

Many parents long for the day to witness their offspring to be independent and form their own family nucleus.

No doubt, MIL and Dad have no worries except their age-related health problems. They don't have to work and can spend their days watching TV, do some cooking, read newspapers, sweep/mop the floor, get to see their grandchild at least once a week etc...and stay cooped up at home for the rest of the week. Their kids are all grown up and have formed their own families. Is this considered the 'good life'?

I am not sure.

I am reminded to spend more time with my Grandma and Dad (yes, Mum and MIL too). I guess I have neglected them bigtime since Eunice came along. Every attention was on the little one. I work hard for her. I rush home after work for her. I make sure she's well-fed, well-rested, well-funned, well-schooled.....all about her. She gets to sit in a car seat by herself. The other 2 adult passengers at the back have to squeeze their bums like squashed oranges.

One day, my hair will turn grey and I too, would be forgotten and sidelined when she starts a family of her own.

This morning I sms-ed my bro. His big day was on 16 May. He only went back once since then - to get his clothes and ciao.

Me: Saw ah ma and dad yday. They're quite poor thing. Spend time with them and mum too when you can.

Stanley: Why poor thing?

Me: Old lor.

Stanley: Ok la. Dun worry i will go back for dinner every week.

Me: Good to hear. Don't forget about them. They love you more than me when we were younger. Altho mum has changed over the yrs, she tried to give you her best. Rem she had to wait outside sch gate for you.

In the midst of sms exchanges, my eye tap went on auto mode. My boss was sitting beside me. I had to go to the ladies. Came out of cubicle and saw that my eyes were glistening and red. No good, no good...emo sappy me. Composed myself before I walked back to the office.

*haiya, tap is dripping again*

Weddings and more weddings

25 Apr was the kickoff to more 2009 weddings.

ZM's sis (aka my SIL) was wedded to Mr Almond in a simple fashion. I was quite apathetic to their big day and preps. Ever since Mr A said Changi Village was too far away for him attend his future niece-in-law's birthday celebration and Mrs A-to-be submissively obeyed and didn't turn up as well, I decided I would accord similar respect to this couple. Yes, I am such a vindictive and spiteful person....but hehe, to justify there were other incidents which caused me to cast such judgments on them. I'm lazy to describe though.

Anyways, on the day itself.....I felt kind of sad. Really, it's like losing a daughter. After all, I recognise the sis' contributions to the family. How she left school after 'N' levels to work and helped out with the family's resources. How she willingly let ZM use her CPF funds to pay for his uni tuition fees. How she was the family's pillar of strength when the dad's leg had to be amputated and was in and out of hospital. How the mum looked forward to her daughter coming home after work each night and watch her sip homebrewed soup while chatting.

Alas, things will never be the same again.

The next wedding is my very own bro's on 16 May. Eunice is going to be their flower girl.

3 more weddings to come on 29 May, 4 and 11 Jul.

***

Work is mundane.

Life starts after I walk out of the office.

Upon reaching the childcare centre, I will be greeted by excited, hyperventilating shouts of "Mummy, Mummy" as she catches me standing at the window. Then she rushes to get her bag and "Bye!! See you friends!'. Once she's released, she'll give me a tight bear hug and whisper, "I missh chew, Mummy...."

That is what I look forward at the end of the work day.

***

Boss just came back from a morning of golf.

Work work work and 5.30pm. Hehe......

Did you read about the 14-year-old girl who was stabbed? The mother was charged with the murder.

My heart was wrought as I read the news. Why would anyone hurt their own child? Not to mention to the extreme point of killing/murdering??

Coincidentally the girl's name was Eunice.

I wonder what drove the mother to such a deranged rage.

6 days' break from work 30 Dec 08 - 4 Jan 09

It felt so so good to be away from work.

Day 1

Had a hair treatment and cut. Went shopping for CNY clothes. Bought for myself and Eunice but none for Zhiming. ZM took the car. So in the evening, I braved the evening crowd and took Eunice all by myself in the MRT from AMK-Jurong East to meet him. I carried her and walked from home to MRT station and then stood in the train from AMK-Sembawang when we finally got a seat. It was back-breaking.

Day 2

Eunice's centre was closed today. We spent the morning watching Channel 34 and lazing around at home while the cleaning lady vacuumed, mopped the house and washed the loos. Evening time, we headed out to Thomas and Nicole's place for a New Year's Eve gathering.

Eunice was all ready to go out.

So was me.

The spread of oily food.

Day 3

Slept in and headed out to town to do more CNY shopping. We went back home in the early evening, planning to settle down before 9pm and watch The Little Nyonya. Barely an hour home, my mum called and said she's in TTSH A&E with my dad. He had suffered a fall in the morning. He'd seen the doc and was waiting for a review appointment. We rushed down to TTSH. My dad's ok. Got a 2-inch cut. He has diabetes and blood disorder and the wound was still bleeding hours after cut.

Day 4

Today being the 1st day back to school, I thought the December crowd that had thronged the malls and parks would have vanished. I was wrong....we were surprised to see people jostling on Orchard Road.

In the morning, we headed to Jacob Ballas Children's Garden to soak in a little nature.

The suspension bridge

"Help! I can't open the bottle." Actually this is her 'biggest and brightest smile'.

Drying up after water play

After the garden walk, we popped by the hair salon that I go to to catch Jeff and Lan. Lan wanted to get her hair done before flying back Melbourne the next day. She liked my curls and I made an appointment for her.

Flora did a really nice job, I must say. We spent the rest of the afternoon with the couple. Lan adores Eunice, and Eunice took to her easily too. Who wouldn't?

Tada! Do we have similar hairdos?

The couple

Day 5

Moped around at home in the morning and then headed to Vivocity for shopping.....ya, again. Decided at the last minute to send off Lan at the airport.

Day 6

Getting ready to go back to work.....*yawn* Planning for next break already......

Channel 34

If you subscribe to cable channel 34, watch out for Eunice 20 January 2007 in the Happy Birthday Book for January babies.

She was dressed in this pink outfit.