Thank you for messaging me to check up how we are. You know who you are. I deeply appreciate this sweet gesture.
ZM and I are 'friends again'. (in little E's words)
When I think about my friend's death, it lessens and trivialises the 'domestic injustices' that I put up with.
Although we were not close, her passing prompted some 'what-ifs' and 'if-onlys'. 'If only I had chatted more with her', "if only i paid more attention to her FB updates", "if only I had chatted more with her the last time we met", etc.
On her FB page, tributes from friends streamed in and were no doubt touching, but sadly the messages of love and affirmation came a tad too late - although we can say these tributes were meant for loved ones she left behind?
What more, our immediate loved ones. "If only I didn't take so long to 'de-angerise'", "if only I initiated mediation", the list can go on. I would be living with so many regrets. The points of conflict suddenly seemed so miniscule in comparison. Maybe I am lazy to type out why we argued, the list is just too long or the real reason could be the issues were really trivial. While I was sitting out and thinking through at the bus stop, that morbid thought moved my bum from the bench and contracted leg muscles to walk home.
We have put aside the pride, sorted out the issues with ZM and moved on.
If anything, I was sorry that our daughter had to witness the ugly exchanges, sandwiched between our conflict and bear the brunt of charged-up emotions.
Eunice, Mummy is sorry I put you through all this.
********
Last night, we made a surprise late visit to my parents' place. Ah-ma was there. Needless to say, they beamed upon seeing their granddaughter and great-granddaughter. Priceless. It's sad actually. Our lifestyle has evolved into such a way that we can only afford 2 hours to our parents once a week. They are left to their own devices for the rest of the week. Any more than that is a bonus. So much for investing so much on a child, right? Their wings unclip on the wedding day.
********
A relevant but random point: World Cup has seemed to further de-sensitize men to their wives/gf. It's only Day 4. When I say good night, it doesn't mean I am really tired and switching off and it also DEFINITELY doesn't mean that you could continue to read WC news and FB. Geddit geddit?? C. O. C. O. N. U. T. Coconut coconut ABC. A. B. C.
Monday, June 14, 2010
Friday, June 11, 2010
May/June upates
Eunice is serving her one month's notice. This afternoon, we are going to seal her transfer with $960.75. $850 for deposit, $3.75 annual insurance and $107 registration fee with 7% GST. We could probably save $107 if I had the spunk to approach a parent in the lift or lift lobby if he/she could 'sponsor' me. I hadn't shared lift with the same parent enough to make eye contact or small talk. Considering we are quite broke after the Aussie trip, $107 is a huge amount. Alas, my pride is worth $107.
**********
Last night, we had a bigger-than-norm fight which saw me storming out of the home in my stale workwear. I just had to get out, otherwise the neighbourhood could hear the vulgarities, the sorely missing appreciation, spiteful verbal retaliation. I pictured driving to a pub, cool down and reflect while sipping gin tonic. When I'm ready, I'll head back home. So Channel 8, right? I was about to step out when Eunice came scurrying and said she wanted Mummy, on the verge of tears. So I took her out with me at 9-ish pm.
I would not elaborate on the rest of the details. The gist of this entry is - this girl is really sensible and sensitive. At one point she sat alone at a spot looking forlorn and tear drops formed. She marched into my arms at my beckon and told me she wanted Daddy and Mummy + Daddy and Mummy to be happy. She's such a darling!! This morning, I was just browsing through her photos throught the years (for our thankyou note to the centre) and my, she is so beautiful! Maybe all parents think their own offsprings are so beautiful, but I am really thankful for this little gem in my life.
When he managed to locate us, she tried to play mediator in an adult-like fashion.
"Daddy, say sorry to Mummy. "
*turned to Mummy*
"Mummy, say sorry to Daddy."
We were still arguing in front of her when she raised her hand. "Stop! You two stop quarrelling. Other people are sleeping, you will wake them up.'"
Someone once told me - the best thing I can give my child is my marriage.
Years ago, I would have stayed out late and remain contactless by not answering his calls or replying sms-es. Let him panic and know the importance of my existence in his life. He should eat the humble pie and come looking for me. Drama-ma.
Last night, I just timed-out at the bus stop for not more than half an hour. Long day, tired already. I shall just go home, shower and sleep. I have issues with him, not my bed.
I'm just sorry my child had to witness our ugly exchanges. Which brings me to another point - should we appear fine and dandy in front of our kids even when emotional typhoons are raging, volcanoes erupting, earthquakes wreaking havoc on our relationship? I can't paint a peachy picture for Eunice and I know our bitter words and attitude towards each other leave a negative imprint on her.
Here I am ranting and I remember: at this same time, someone is grieving over very recent loss of his dear wife who shared same surname and age as me.
**********
Last night, we had a bigger-than-norm fight which saw me storming out of the home in my stale workwear. I just had to get out, otherwise the neighbourhood could hear the vulgarities, the sorely missing appreciation, spiteful verbal retaliation. I pictured driving to a pub, cool down and reflect while sipping gin tonic. When I'm ready, I'll head back home. So Channel 8, right? I was about to step out when Eunice came scurrying and said she wanted Mummy, on the verge of tears. So I took her out with me at 9-ish pm.
I would not elaborate on the rest of the details. The gist of this entry is - this girl is really sensible and sensitive. At one point she sat alone at a spot looking forlorn and tear drops formed. She marched into my arms at my beckon and told me she wanted Daddy and Mummy + Daddy and Mummy to be happy. She's such a darling!! This morning, I was just browsing through her photos throught the years (for our thankyou note to the centre) and my, she is so beautiful! Maybe all parents think their own offsprings are so beautiful, but I am really thankful for this little gem in my life.
When he managed to locate us, she tried to play mediator in an adult-like fashion.
"Daddy, say sorry to Mummy. "
*turned to Mummy*
"Mummy, say sorry to Daddy."
We were still arguing in front of her when she raised her hand. "Stop! You two stop quarrelling. Other people are sleeping, you will wake them up.'"
Someone once told me - the best thing I can give my child is my marriage.
Years ago, I would have stayed out late and remain contactless by not answering his calls or replying sms-es. Let him panic and know the importance of my existence in his life. He should eat the humble pie and come looking for me. Drama-ma.
Last night, I just timed-out at the bus stop for not more than half an hour. Long day, tired already. I shall just go home, shower and sleep. I have issues with him, not my bed.
I'm just sorry my child had to witness our ugly exchanges. Which brings me to another point - should we appear fine and dandy in front of our kids even when emotional typhoons are raging, volcanoes erupting, earthquakes wreaking havoc on our relationship? I can't paint a peachy picture for Eunice and I know our bitter words and attitude towards each other leave a negative imprint on her.
Here I am ranting and I remember: at this same time, someone is grieving over very recent loss of his dear wife who shared same surname and age as me.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)